And then there was 1

I know the most tragic love story, and I hate that I know it so well.  It frustrates me, it makes me want to cry, it makes me angry, and it has NOTHING to do with me in regards to the fact that it is not my love story...but it involves me in other ways.  Not sure how that works, but it just does.

Looking back over the already passed 1-year-'anniversary', there are quotations because this is not anywhere near a celebration, but it is here and it marked the 1 year of when I got a phone call.  A phone call that I didn't know to handle, nor did I realize the involvement it had in store for me.  I didn't even know what to expect out of it, but let me tell you it led me down a whole new path that I didn't know I would ever approach in the way I approached it and my life would be so different right now if this phone call had not happened.

It came from my roommate-to-be, dating a guy in LA, who I was acquaintances with, and roommate had just graduated from school, and was ready to move to LA to be near the boyfriend, and live with me at least for a year and then from then we would both see about a second year, or if he would move in with his boyfriend, if I would have new plans, etc.  Any way, there is your background of roommate.

The day was September 22nd, 2013.  I was commuting 160+ miles a day to and from Loma Linda, where my lease was in effect until the end of the month, by then we would have a place we could move into or a plan in effect.  He called, and left a voice mail while I was working.  While still too new at this job to feel comfortable taking a personal call, I listened to the voice mail later and text him right away because he sounded distraught.  He was having an interview that morning and I was worried it went horrible or something of the sort.  He simply replied: "Call me when you're off." 

I got off work and started on the trek back to Loma Linda from Beverly Hills and called him.  He was crying, and not a couple of tears, legitimately there were waterfalls.  The wording muffled through the sobs were, "I can't, I can't do it anymore, I'm leaving, I left, I am gone..." Something to the sort.  My brain and my heart took a big beat, a BIG one, I didn't even know what to do or say or think, except, "I love you, and I am confused, but you have to figure your shit out." It just came out, and I wanted to ensure him that I wasn't mad at him, even though I was, I was confused, and hurt and scared, but it would be pointless to point out my anger in his state and mine, until I thought it through (I am a confront later type of girl...I need to think my words out).  Los Angeles is HUGE, and scary, I had already been left by 1 roommate, and now another!?

And then there was 1...

 I knew roommate's boyfriend and maybe one other person, but I wasn't that close to them, I was panicked and also worried about roommate's state, and really there was just no wrapping my head around it until many days to come of hashing and thinking and figuring it out.  Some friends said they saw it coming, some friends said they didn't think he would stay, people whom I don't call my friends anymore said, "good luck with that." When they learned I would live with him.  Rude.

Me? I was ecstatic to live with him, I thought we would have such fun.  I'd make salsa, we'd have wine nights, and he would be with his boyfriend all the time too.  It would be great.

Anyway, back to the phone call. We hung up and I was sitting at a red light, I remember thinking, "What the FUCK just happened!?"  I then took a moment, and called my best girlfriend.  She was as shocked and appalled as I was, we hashed it out as best we could with the little information I had retrieved through the sobs he was giving me, and there wasn't much more I could say.  I hit the freeway and saw bumper-to-bumper traffic, JUST what I needed to calm my frazzled NERVES.  NOPE what I needed was a strong drink and a quiet hole in the wall to drink it at.  I was in shock and scared out of reason.  Then my phone beeped, roommate's boyfriend texted, "Misty, do you know where Marc is?" (Side note: different name for specific reason's, I don't even know a Marc) As I sat on the 10 east bound, I stared at the text, don't worry, I was stopped, not driving for those of you concerned about my safety, when you should be concerned about my situation at hand... without second thought, I called him.

"Hi," I said with a small gulp in my throat.  We were friends, but not BESTS and I didn't know what to say or how to word it or what he knew or had happened between them if anything.

"Hi...?" He said a bit of fluctuation at the end of his hi, as he was probably a bit panicked that he came home to no Marc, and that I was calling vs. texting.  I think we had spoken on the phone ONCE, several months earlier when some shit went down between he and Marc, but that was it, like I said, not BESTS.

"Marc left."

"I'm sorry?!"

"He's on his way to Utah.  I don't know, I am beyond confused and don't know.  Just don't."

We talked for a few more minutes, he sounded pissed more than anything, the first reaction, which is the reaction I reached when I had gone through my confused reaction.  We hung up and that was that. I went home and tried calling Marc to check in, he was still heading to Utah, he hadn't come to his senses and turned around.  I didn't want to be too pushy so I didn't ask too many questions, but I had learned that he and boyfriend had gotten in a big fight the night before and it was the last straw for him, he had had it.  He couldn't find a job and he didn't know what else to do but to go home.  I didn't know anything from boyfriend's side and I still didn't know what I was going to do at this point, but there was no point in exploding at him on the phone, so I said drive safe, love you, and that was that.

Boyfriend kept in touch with me as well, we texted throughout the evening, until I had to call it a night at 8:30 PM, as my wake up time was at 4:45 AM to hit the west bound version of what I thought of as what hell must be like, the 10 freeway, at rush hour.  Which funny enough, starts at 6:00 AM! Gross, and I am so thankful these days are behind me.  I went through the week, confused as hell, concerned for my own future and at the same time trying to wrap my head around what happened to Marc, why he snapped.

Boyfriend and I made plans to get coffee that Friday morning, he was in contact much more then usual at this point and I could tell he needed the listening ear, and since it was my situation too, I didn't mind the conversations about it, I needed to vent and talk it out too.  I was a mess as well, in my own, very different way, but we needed each other and slowly but surely realized that and it blossomed into something I never thought Boyfriend & I would have.  We met up that Friday, talked and I could see his pain, it was seeping out of his eyes, it was in his words, it was in his body language, I could see he was graduating to a different phase of feelings.  Still angry, but his heart was breaking.

I am off work at 3 pm on Fridays, I texted Boyfriend (He has a name, but I couldn't find a suitable faux name, so this will suffice.) to see how his day was holding up.  He was over it and wanted a happy hour.  I told him my office was 2 miles away and I could meet him at his and we could go across the street to get some half off wine...we BOTH needed it because we spent the rest of the afternoon there, and then he insisted I stay the night and we watch movies and hang out this night and have some fun.  I was completely down, a night of no commute? Yes PLEASE. During the movie something monumental happened between Boyfriend and Marc.  Marc called, which was unusual given that they hadn't been in contact much that week except that he left, he was sorry but he couldn't do it anymore. But he called, sobbing and trying to decide his next move, at this point he could turn around or keep going, he wanted a sign and a promise of a change.

This was the beginning of the roller coaster that dipped in & out of hell.  As time progressed, Boyfriend offered his couch, which all-in-all saved my life as my quality of life and overall demeanor was being effected by my 4:30 am wake ups.  That is not normal.  Leave at 5:15, get home close to 9 pm?  No one wants to live like that.

Boyfriend and I became VERY close, close on a level I never foresaw, always secretly hoped for but didn't imagine would happen between the two of us because how would I get to know him, outside of he & Marc, in a 1 on 1 situation?  That being said- I am no where near happy that Marc left, but I also believe things happen for a reason- I got close to Boyfriend because I needed him, he filled something that wasn't there you could say.

In the end I learned a few things, things that I have heavily repeated within this blog:

You never know WHAT curve ball life will throw you each & every day.  Ultimately you have to make choices that will make you happy.  If you make one that proves to be misery- change it.  Cherish those that cherish you, value them.  Respect them.  Love your life.

Marc still hasn't returned.  And it's now been over a year.