"What part of LA do you live in?" And Other Important thoughts and questions that go through my head
Oh me. Single as all get out, in the dating world, BIG TIME, not just a toe dipper, nope I am full on doused into the deep end of it. Yes I am on Tinder, yes I am on Ok Cupid, and yes, I am too cheap to join Match/E-Harmony so I am going with the free ones...which has not proven to be worth it yet but can you complain when you aren't paying for anything....?
The things I have stumbled upon, the people I have met, and the amount of drinks I have downed to get through some pretty horrendous dates are quite....interesting. My last two blog posts can show you a little insight into that.
Here are a small amount of things that go through my mind when I am gandering (it's a word even though this tells me it's not- I made it up apparently) at these so called "Dating Bios."
How old is he...?
Dating sites have filters mostly...unfortunately for Ok Cupid, anyone can message you- but it filters out the age you don't want from your viewing. So this week for instance, I got three messages from three different young (emphasis on young) men telling me I was pretty and what not, very sweet but no....they were all 19-22. Likely I will not date under 28 and that's even pushing it. If you are early 20s you still have too much life that you haven't experienced...I cannot be a mom and guide someone through it...I want to be a rock for someone who is at my level. I prefer someone who has their shit together, which to be honest can be a younger guy but not the majority of the time. I stumbled upon a gorgeous 25- year- old a few weeks ago who had a career and spoke like he was 35. It was after our hanging out that I discovered he was 25....and I know age is just a number, but I am immature enough as it is...I like to goof off and have a ridiculous time...but I cannot babysit, therefore I prefer to goof off with someone older, or as I said, at my level. Side note... I have also dated someone 11 years OLDER, they still didn't have it together, he is what I call a "forever bachelor" which is something I can elab on later. Oh and social media (what did people do before it!?) tells me, three years later that he is still single. So let's just say this...my filter's are set at 28-36.
Does...he...groom....?
YOU KNOW YOU THINK THE SAME THING! Come on....some guys are really....just a guys guy and they don't think about it or care! And let me tell you this....nuh uh am I getting near that (ok I probably will but I wouldn't love it as much and in the future it better be cleaned up a bit) if it is not properly cared for...maintenance people. Maintenance. If girls do it...we hope and expect you to as well.
What are his thoughts on marriage...?
I cannot be the only girl who wonders this when I meet someone and start seriously talking to them. I want to say about 90 percent of the guys I have gone on dates with in the past year, which is big, have all been disinterested in marriage...why!? Most of them say because of divorce and their parents divorcing and etc etc etc...I don't need to dive into marriage but I do want it eventually...so...kind of a big deal.
Is he into sports...art...or...?!
Let's be honest, we have a type. Mine is open-minded and adventurous & spontaneous (among other synonyms), but let me tell you this, if he despises sports...we will have a problem. I don't have to have him be obsessed where he can't even function on life during a season or game, but if he doesn't like to hit up a sports bar during football season, or attend a baseball game at a stadium(only two I care about...he can like more, I won't mind) that would be a sad story. Like I said, there need not be obsession, but at least a tolerance or slight hint of enjoyment. Which leads me to art---- I can tolerate it but I am not the least bit interested in it. I will join him at a museum or something but I am not drawn to it and it is at the bottom of my list of things I would want to do over the weekend but this is why there is give & take in relationships.
Does he have kids...?
I am still unsure about what I feel about this as I am yet to come across someone that has a kid that I seriously get involved with. My ex boyfriend has a daughter(it's not mine) with no lady in his life sans her, and talking to him about dating it does sounds rough and like he is having a hard time. I just don't know what I would think about it. If I see a guy on a dating profile and he says he has a child, I don't say no to it based on that alone. But in the long run, I am unsure about what this would bring into the dating aspect- would I be ok with potential baby-mama-drama? Would I be ok to always be number 2? Am I ok with possibly becoming a step-parent to this child? What would happen IF this got serious, marriage and then I want kids with him, will he want them? Yes this is already looking dramatic and like too much analyzing, but like many things in life I suppose you don't know until the opportunity presents itself.
Has he been tested...
Yep. Big one. I am not one to be interested in making each other a list of all our past exes and sexual encounters but let's be real here- it's 2015 and the statistic of the possibility of someone having an STD are high. This is definitely a big deal when the possibility of sex arises. Amiright?
Serious...relationships? Yes? No? Am I a rebound..?
Cannot mention enough how much rebounding I have heard of, and luckily dodged. One of my best friends has been the victim of rebounding more then once and that is a rough situation to witness. But I do want to know if he has had one or more relationships that had depth and meaning...and when they were. If we are talking high school then...I am not sure that totally counts. We all had a serious relationship in high school. I want to know he can handle being a twosome, has had fights and ups and downs with someone and knows what to work on to make it better, or it, the next time. I also want to know when it ended...I don't need details people, but if it was last week, please pump your brakes, do some healing and call me when your heart is back to normality.
I know I have other questions, all the time. But these are a few that are definitely front-runners.
Dating is a roller coaster. One that is (at least for me so far) mostly a steep climb with tiny hills here and there that make my heart go zing and give me that wonderful thrill. Each experience is a learning experience of what you like, dislike, want and don't want. It's important to remember it's your life though and you can't see your friends in happy relationships or in the depths of despair of singleness and compare yourself to that or you'll set yourself up for failure. If it's supposed to happen-it will. (Is what I keep telling myself as I drink vodka straight from a glass crying....ok kidding.) Seriously, time will tell and just have fun- bottom line.
The things I have stumbled upon, the people I have met, and the amount of drinks I have downed to get through some pretty horrendous dates are quite....interesting. My last two blog posts can show you a little insight into that.
Here are a small amount of things that go through my mind when I am gandering (it's a word even though this tells me it's not- I made it up apparently) at these so called "Dating Bios."
How old is he...?
Dating sites have filters mostly...unfortunately for Ok Cupid, anyone can message you- but it filters out the age you don't want from your viewing. So this week for instance, I got three messages from three different young (emphasis on young) men telling me I was pretty and what not, very sweet but no....they were all 19-22. Likely I will not date under 28 and that's even pushing it. If you are early 20s you still have too much life that you haven't experienced...I cannot be a mom and guide someone through it...I want to be a rock for someone who is at my level. I prefer someone who has their shit together, which to be honest can be a younger guy but not the majority of the time. I stumbled upon a gorgeous 25- year- old a few weeks ago who had a career and spoke like he was 35. It was after our hanging out that I discovered he was 25....and I know age is just a number, but I am immature enough as it is...I like to goof off and have a ridiculous time...but I cannot babysit, therefore I prefer to goof off with someone older, or as I said, at my level. Side note... I have also dated someone 11 years OLDER, they still didn't have it together, he is what I call a "forever bachelor" which is something I can elab on later. Oh and social media (what did people do before it!?) tells me, three years later that he is still single. So let's just say this...my filter's are set at 28-36.
Does...he...groom....?
YOU KNOW YOU THINK THE SAME THING! Come on....some guys are really....just a guys guy and they don't think about it or care! And let me tell you this....nuh uh am I getting near that (ok I probably will but I wouldn't love it as much and in the future it better be cleaned up a bit) if it is not properly cared for...maintenance people. Maintenance. If girls do it...we hope and expect you to as well.
What are his thoughts on marriage...?
I cannot be the only girl who wonders this when I meet someone and start seriously talking to them. I want to say about 90 percent of the guys I have gone on dates with in the past year, which is big, have all been disinterested in marriage...why!? Most of them say because of divorce and their parents divorcing and etc etc etc...I don't need to dive into marriage but I do want it eventually...so...kind of a big deal.
Is he into sports...art...or...?!
Let's be honest, we have a type. Mine is open-minded and adventurous & spontaneous (among other synonyms), but let me tell you this, if he despises sports...we will have a problem. I don't have to have him be obsessed where he can't even function on life during a season or game, but if he doesn't like to hit up a sports bar during football season, or attend a baseball game at a stadium(only two I care about...he can like more, I won't mind) that would be a sad story. Like I said, there need not be obsession, but at least a tolerance or slight hint of enjoyment. Which leads me to art---- I can tolerate it but I am not the least bit interested in it. I will join him at a museum or something but I am not drawn to it and it is at the bottom of my list of things I would want to do over the weekend but this is why there is give & take in relationships.
Does he have kids...?
I am still unsure about what I feel about this as I am yet to come across someone that has a kid that I seriously get involved with. My ex boyfriend has a daughter(it's not mine) with no lady in his life sans her, and talking to him about dating it does sounds rough and like he is having a hard time. I just don't know what I would think about it. If I see a guy on a dating profile and he says he has a child, I don't say no to it based on that alone. But in the long run, I am unsure about what this would bring into the dating aspect- would I be ok with potential baby-mama-drama? Would I be ok to always be number 2? Am I ok with possibly becoming a step-parent to this child? What would happen IF this got serious, marriage and then I want kids with him, will he want them? Yes this is already looking dramatic and like too much analyzing, but like many things in life I suppose you don't know until the opportunity presents itself.
Has he been tested...
Yep. Big one. I am not one to be interested in making each other a list of all our past exes and sexual encounters but let's be real here- it's 2015 and the statistic of the possibility of someone having an STD are high. This is definitely a big deal when the possibility of sex arises. Amiright?
Serious...relationships? Yes? No? Am I a rebound..?
Cannot mention enough how much rebounding I have heard of, and luckily dodged. One of my best friends has been the victim of rebounding more then once and that is a rough situation to witness. But I do want to know if he has had one or more relationships that had depth and meaning...and when they were. If we are talking high school then...I am not sure that totally counts. We all had a serious relationship in high school. I want to know he can handle being a twosome, has had fights and ups and downs with someone and knows what to work on to make it better, or it, the next time. I also want to know when it ended...I don't need details people, but if it was last week, please pump your brakes, do some healing and call me when your heart is back to normality.
I know I have other questions, all the time. But these are a few that are definitely front-runners.
Dating is a roller coaster. One that is (at least for me so far) mostly a steep climb with tiny hills here and there that make my heart go zing and give me that wonderful thrill. Each experience is a learning experience of what you like, dislike, want and don't want. It's important to remember it's your life though and you can't see your friends in happy relationships or in the depths of despair of singleness and compare yourself to that or you'll set yourself up for failure. If it's supposed to happen-it will. (Is what I keep telling myself as I drink vodka straight from a glass crying....ok kidding.) Seriously, time will tell and just have fun- bottom line.
Haha I do all that overthinking when on Tinder also. And yes, I am on Tinder. The problem (well, one of many) with the app is it barely gives you any info -- just the basics -- therefore you're practically FORCED to second guess and question everything. I gotta tell you...this dating thing is exhausting, and I thought it would be better and more mature at 32 but it's not. At all.
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