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What Happened?

I have always been told it will happen when I least expect it.  What will happen? A guy will fall into my lap?  He will approach and say the word and I will be his?  I will be picking berries and singing in a forest and he will ride in on his noble steed?

Nope.

My friends you DO actually have to work.  You HAVE to put yourself out there, hell, you  have to DATE a few absolute crazies to weed them out to find someone worthy, someone you would have never expected to fall for, someone who is just the right fit.  You have to join the dreaded online dating accounts and see who is in this world for you.  You have to get excited, frustrated, sad, and even lose sleep over it.  This is life, no one ever said it would be easy.  If it's worth it, it has to be earned and worked for.

Like everything in life, put effort, see results.  I put in my fair share of time, since the mere age of 21, when I was cheated on, when my heart was broken MULTIPLE times, when I was led on, drug around on a string I couldn't quite grasp a hold of.  Now this is not a sob story, it's just reality.

After 13 men from different dating sites in about a year, multiple dates, insights into new lives, backgrounds, many unforeseeable futures, crazy encounters, and random happenings, I was ready to quit.  To become a nun and move to the hills. Like every single girl or guy that is ready for a relationship and has exhausted every measure, I was bitter, angry and bummed out. Throughout the last couple of guys I was going on dates with though, I had this one guy, who wouldn't leave me alone(said in the kindest tone).  We had found each other on one of those sites and messaged.  He was fun, entertaining, and witty.  He liked my snarky, bratty sarcasm.  I eventually, and most reluctantly ( I have had to block several numbers) gave him my digits. 

 At first I thought nothing of it, I wasn't about to get my head all involved like all the others.  I let it lie around.  But he wouldn't quit...he texted, he checked in, he wanted to know about me and my life, he called, he left voice mails, he wanted to GET TO KNOW ME, and it was genuine.  He asked to meet multiple times, I was busy, and sometimes pretended to be.  My heart, head and mind were trying to go his direction but under all of that I fought it because I was frustrated.  I hadn't mentioned his name to ANY of my friends whom I usually updated daily about my dating shenanigans.  He and I talked for 4 or so weeks before I FINALLY gave in to a date, and didn't even tell anyone about that either.  Probably one of the better decisions I had made in a while.  You know how they say you are attracted to a type of guy?  I don't think I have one but I definitely had a trend of letting my past relationship/dating situations call all the shots.  To hold out their hand but not let me take it.  It was unhealthy and unhappy most of the time for me.  It is difficult to trust someone when you have that track record and mentality.  But when you have a guy telling you about all the things in his life that make him who he is, who shares all the desires, wants, needs, stories, and listens to every word that comes out of your mouth with a genuine, listening ear, and then wants to make plans and pursue you and laugh with you and have inside jokes with you.... you literally think "Who the f&%$ does he think he is!?" But in the best way.

Then you stop questioning.  And you just say yes.  You move forward, you let the walls down halfway until you are comfortable to bury them way below sea level.

I don't want to be cheesy, I am not saying I am getting married or anything CRAZY, but I have found that when you work, believe (cheese I know) and start to love yourself a little more, and then let someone in, ----SHIT GETS REAL---.

And that's what happened.  It got real.





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