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Conundrum.

So here we are....September. SEPTEMBER, I'm sorry, when did that happen?  September is always a great month for me.  Summer is finally winding down (kind of...in LA it's 90 well into October---I HATE IT), kids are back in school, business at work picks back up (it's always slow in the cosmetic world in the summer), and it is almost my day of BIRTH, then Halloween! Then Thanksgiving, and Christmas! This is my favorite time of year, I cherish all FOUR, yes four, of these holidays but I always am shocked when September hits because I wonder what in the world I did for the past year.

It flies. It flew. Before you know it it'll be 2017.  I will be turning 31 in October. Not too worried about it, not having any end of life epiphanies or agonizing thoughts that I am getting old.  Lucky for me I work in the cosmetic world, preventing the site of age is easily attainable for me. But my inside and my mind, that's all up to me.  I don't think of my birthday as that big of deal like I have every other year which is sad, but also good, probably means I am growing up.  Don't get me wrong, I will still celebrate, but it's just not the same feeling anymore.  I always thought by now I'd be married and have kids. Have a huge kitchen I can cook in and a yard, maybe a dog.  But that's just not so, and I am ok with it. I do have a relationship with a really terrific and amazing human being, I have a little, tiny apartment, I have a reliable vehicle, and a job.  A few very quality friends and I live in a city full of too many people, too expensive of homes, but a lot of fun places and opportunities.

The more time goes by, the more I realize how much I hate being away from my family.  24 year old me moved to SoCal and could not WAIT to flee the coop, I was so excited to be "on my own" and making my own agenda, my family would see me when they saw me.  Now I absolutely hate it.  I wish every day that I could grab lunch with my mom, drive home on a Friday night for dinner or have my niece and nephew over for sleep overs every few weeks.  It's getting harder and harder to be this far from home---in comes boyfriend, born and raised in SoCal, all his family here, his life is here, his career is in the industry.  Shiza.  What a pickle.  Life likes to present different opportunities and changes at the most inopportune moments.  Something I am coming to realize.  Is this what being an adult is about? Yup.

I feel like in the last year I have also learned to not let things with people get to me as much as they did---when a friend hurts my feelings or frustrates me, I let it go much quicker then I used to.  I am more confrontational then I used to be.  I am more stable.  This whole growing up thing isn't the worst thing in the world but it's still really hard.  What would 30 year old me say to 19 year old me?  That's another blog for another day.

Just some random conundrums. About adulting.


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